Home. It feels like I have been away from this place for SO long...even on the days when I have been here every waking moment! A multitude of "things" have cropped up in our lives that have kept me running on an emotional/physical "treadmill" for months now. Believe me, that cute little hamster has nothing on me...since January I feel like I have been running his wheel and getting absolutely nowhere! I had so many plans for 2015, and they have all fallen by the wayside in view of the truly more important things in life. Hopefully, maybe now...you think I could get that lucky?...our lives will be slowing down for a while.
Mom is home from the hospital and seems to be doing well. Yesterday was her first full day at home and I spent a good portion of the day at her kitchen table reviewing her new medication regimen (thank God for the wonderful nurse from our doctor's office who called to go over her extensive medication instructions), helping Dad fill her medication dispensers for the week, scheduling follow up appointments with several doctors, verifying insurance coverage and obtaining referrals to new doctors, etc. I came home and collapsed onto the sofa...too fatigued to do much other than dip a few slices of bread into eggs for french toast and call it a meal. But, we ate at home...the cost was minimal...and I used up bread that was already too stale for sandwiches and the like. THAT is the part of "homemaking" I truly miss. Nurturing our bodies, our home and our psyche with creativity and care...Every. Single. Moment.
Since I spent several days living at my folks' house and traveling to and from the hospital, MY house has fallen behind. The "daily single load" laundry routine that I had adopted to fit my varying pain and energy levels? Totally abandoned for the past week...leaving a large mountain of dirty clothes and a dwindling molehill of fresh clothes to choose from. There is no way I can catch it all up in one day...but that's okay. In the past I would have busted my butt to get "all caught up" and back on top of things. Not anymore. And, it's not ONLY because of my fatigue and pain...it's because I've finally realized that homemaking isn't a once and done job to be rushed through in lieu of more enjoyable activities. I don't have to be "on top" of things. It's perfectly okay to be in the middle, enmeshed in an ongoing process. Homemaking is a life LIVED DAILY with focus and fortitude. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and get it done. So today I will do TWO loads of laundry, a bit out of my "comfort zone", but a step toward getting back on an even keel with our laundry. However, I will focus on the process at hand and take time to really "see". With our long term goal of purging "stuff" and saving money, I will look for repairs that can be made to extend an item's life, things that can be sold to pad out our savings account, things that can be donated...and even trashed. But, before those items of clothing hit the trash bin they will be cannibalized for any and all still usable parts. My plan for 2015 was to purge through the house in preparation for a future move/downsizing, while reducing our expenses and stashing cash. I can't devote days at a time to purging, but I CAN focus on our goal while I go about my daily chores...slowly chipping away at the obstacles that keep us from reaching our dreams. In the meantime, there is no need to put our lives on hold. We can live in the present, work toward our future and keep all the balls in the air at the same time...as long as we realize that you can only juggle when you are truly a part of the process.
Thank you, Melissa. This is the closest I have ever felt to losing either of my parents. Even when my dad had his heart attack 22 years ago, I didn't feel I was going to lose him...maybe because he was still "young" in my mind. Now I look at both of my parents, in their eighties, and I know that the reality is that I don't have many years left with them. Mom's blood pressure was so high this time that the doctors and nurses were visibly shocked. Really scary this time. We truly are the "sandwich" generation, aren't we? I feel like a dang panini...squeezed tightly from both sides at once and sometimes things are a bit too hot for me to handle. Today I managed to do two loads of laundry and I cannibalized a pair of jeans for useable denim. One less thing to store and wash and free fabric for a future project. A win/win all around! Take care of yourself. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDelete