The past few weeks have seemed totally unreal to me. Back on March 18th I lost my dad, the first man I ever loved. He was a gentleman, fiercely loyal, kind, and funny and I miss him terribly. Over the past month he had begun preparing me for his departure. "I think I'm going to die soon". Of course, this statement sent me in protective overdrive...what's wrong, what are you feeling, what hurts?" Nothing. He felt as fine as one could after a stroke 7 months earlier. "When I die I don't want you to be upset." Surprisingly, I laughed. "Okay dad, where is the switch so I can turn it off?" He laughed too. "I know you are going to be upset, but remember I will be with your mom...where I want to be. It's been long enough". My mom passed away almost 3 years ago. They had met in 4th grade and were true soulmates. In 62 years there were only 5 days they were not together...and 4 of them were when my dad had pneumonia and could not visit mom in the nursing home. He was talking about death, but he was basically "healthy" except for the residual effects of his stroke.
In late February/early March our son approached me, "Mom, I told you I would let you know when to panic. It's time. Fill all of the medications for you and dad, and check your food supplies. This virus is bad!" Within a short period of time there was talk of a "pandemic". Then on March 11th the Skilled Nursing Facility where my dad lived shut down to outsiders. I called my dad to tell him that we would not be able to visit (my aunt or I visited daily). "How long?!" I told him we had no idea. Nobody did.
The very next day, March 12th, I got a phone call that my dad was running a low grade fever. They were giving him Tylenol and testing for a cause. I called him that evening and he couldn't hold the phone. He was obviously not doing well, but there was no "illness" to be found.
On March 14th he took a turn for the worse. I called his physician to discuss hospice. He had gone down hill so quickly that the doctor questioned if dad would even be with us at the completion of the admission process. We decided to move forward anyway. The next day he was placed on hospice.
On March 18th my aunt and I were called to come to the home to say goodbye. Only the two of us could go because of the Corona virus. It seemed so "wrong" for his entire immediate family not to be there. By lunch time dad was gone.
Call me crazy, but I believe the separation from his family (the only reason he had held on for 3 years without my mom) because of the Corona virus shutdown was the reason for his rapid decline and passing. No "reason/illness" was found for him going down hill. On the 11th he was beating my aunt at cards and on the 18th he was gone.
Limited funeral plans were made (again because of Corona) for March 24th.
On March 23rd, the day before dad's funeral, one of my aunts on my mom's side of the family passed away. We offered our condolences, but her funeral, too, was limited to just the immediate family.
The on April 1st one of my dad's sister's passed away. Again, condolences were sent.
In 14 days I lost three members of my family, unexpectedly, and none directly related to the virus. How many more could any of us lose because of the pandemic? Today the governor of my state issued a recommendation/order? for everyone in my state to wear a mask if leaving the house. My son and daughter-in-law have high quality masks bought when they were cleaning out her grandmother's house. They both have asthma and needed protection. For my husband, aunt and I there will be handmade masks. N95 masks cannot be found, and even if they could...our first responders need them more.
So tomorrow I will be making a minimum of two more masks. I may also make one for my grandson, although there is no way in Hades he is stepping foot out of this house! I may make one for him anyway...just in case.
Last month my life changed completely and I wonder if there will ever be a time that we, or anyone else, will return to some semblance of normal. Losing people I love has been hard, but grieving impacted by fear and restriction has left me in a state of limbo. Each morning I wake up to this changed and restricted life and I wonder, "How could this all happen so fast and when will it all end?" I can only hope and pray that this "new normal" ends as quickly as it began!
Stay safe my friends.
Toodles...
Ahhh, Lin. My heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteI have made masks for my family as well. I have to make a few for Kurt and get them in the mail over the next few days.
God bless.