It is 6:38 on Sunday night and I am hiding in my sewing room, more for my husband's safety than anything else. For some reason I have descended into a dreadfully foul mood. I don't know why, really. I had a pretty good day! I slept in this morning...NO alarm at all. Ahh.... it was total bliss. Then I enjoyed a wonderful steaming mug of free coffee, accompanied by some delicious English Muffin Bread spread with home made cherry jam. Yum..... I spent the morning doing laundry, which is my usual Sunday chore. Nothing there that should have triggered such a mood. I haven't folded the laundry yet, that would be just too much for one day. While doing laundry I assembled three blocks for my guest room quilt...something I haven't worked on in at least a week! THAT made me happy!!!
At 4:00 I went into the kitchen to make dinner. Yesterday I had planned out the whole meal...steaks on the counter-top grill, sauteed garlic mushrooms, packaged garlic noodles and canned peas. I even found a peanut butter pie in the freezer yesterday. I honestly don't remember when I bought it as it was buried under packages of frozen chicken, but a skinny slice for each of us would make a nice dessert. It is really RARE that I make a full meal...even one incorporating several prepackaged items! Completely from scratch is a total impossibility. But Dear Hubby and I were spending the day in the house and I wanted to make him a nice quasi home-cooked meal.
It was while making dinner that my mood plummeted. After doing the laundry and some crafting I'm tired. Totally exhausted really. I guess I should have been intelligent and not planned a meal for laundry day. I should have left the "meal" go until tomorrow and just suggested cheese sandwiches for dinner considering my physical exhaustion. But I had already defrosted everything, and it is likely the last time Dear Hubby and I will eat together for the rest of the week! His work schedule and physical therapy schedule is NUTS! So I pushed myself to do it and now I'm miserable...both physically and mentally. Every time hubby talks to me I have to bite my tongue to make sure I don't snap at him. Poor guy. There is no absolutely no reason why I should snap at him...but I just know I will if we have too much contact. The front doorbell rang a few minutes ago and I didn't even go to answer it. I just ignored it completely. I don't want to see or talk to anyone! And if it was some type of solicitation at my door, I doubt I could have maintained my temper if they were a little too pushy.
So I have banished myself to my sewing room in a much needed "time out". Not the upbeat writing I hope to post on my blog, but this is life (my life anyway) and it's important that I am honest in my representations. Life isn't always fun, or easy, or fair and no matter how hard I strive to maintain a positive outlook, Pollyanna I'm not. I CAN understand the physical exhaustion...I pushed myself too hard. But the emotional state I am in is a bit surprising. I have the horrible urge to pound my fists, stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs. Yea...a real "terrible twos" type temper tantrum. And I don't even know why!
So, in order to avoid such a ridiculous display, I think I am going to snuggle down in my rocking chair and try some relaxation techniques. Hopefully some deep breathing and visualization can pull me out of this funk.
Hmmmmmm. I just looked out the window and the skies have darkened and deep thunder is rumbling through our neighborhood. It matches my mood exactly. But maybe it is a partial explanation? I know my pain level increases as the barometric pressure changes, maybe it can also impact my mood. I can only hope that the clean and refreshing post-rain atmosphere brightens my spirits! In the meantime it might be best if my Dear Hubby runs for the hills as this bear is far from a happy camper!