It is 6:38 on Sunday night and I am hiding in my sewing room, more for my husband's safety than anything else. For some reason I have descended into a dreadfully foul mood. I don't know why, really. I had a pretty good day! I slept in this morning...NO alarm at all. Ahh.... it was total bliss. Then I enjoyed a wonderful steaming mug of free coffee, accompanied by some delicious English Muffin Bread spread with home made cherry jam. Yum..... I spent the morning doing laundry, which is my usual Sunday chore. Nothing there that should have triggered such a mood. I haven't folded the laundry yet, that would be just too much for one day. While doing laundry I assembled three blocks for my guest room quilt...something I haven't worked on in at least a week! THAT made me happy!!!
At 4:00 I went into the kitchen to make dinner. Yesterday I had planned out the whole meal...steaks on the counter-top grill, sauteed garlic mushrooms, packaged garlic noodles and canned peas. I even found a peanut butter pie in the freezer yesterday. I honestly don't remember when I bought it as it was buried under packages of frozen chicken, but a skinny slice for each of us would make a nice dessert. It is really RARE that I make a full meal...even one incorporating several prepackaged items! Completely from scratch is a total impossibility. But Dear Hubby and I were spending the day in the house and I wanted to make him a nice quasi home-cooked meal.
It was while making dinner that my mood plummeted. After doing the laundry and some crafting I'm tired. Totally exhausted really. I guess I should have been intelligent and not planned a meal for laundry day. I should have left the "meal" go until tomorrow and just suggested cheese sandwiches for dinner considering my physical exhaustion. But I had already defrosted everything, and it is likely the last time Dear Hubby and I will eat together for the rest of the week! His work schedule and physical therapy schedule is NUTS! So I pushed myself to do it and now I'm miserable...both physically and mentally. Every time hubby talks to me I have to bite my tongue to make sure I don't snap at him. Poor guy. There is no absolutely no reason why I should snap at him...but I just know I will if we have too much contact. The front doorbell rang a few minutes ago and I didn't even go to answer it. I just ignored it completely. I don't want to see or talk to anyone! And if it was some type of solicitation at my door, I doubt I could have maintained my temper if they were a little too pushy.
So I have banished myself to my sewing room in a much needed "time out". Not the upbeat writing I hope to post on my blog, but this is life (my life anyway) and it's important that I am honest in my representations. Life isn't always fun, or easy, or fair and no matter how hard I strive to maintain a positive outlook, Pollyanna I'm not. I CAN understand the physical exhaustion...I pushed myself too hard. But the emotional state I am in is a bit surprising. I have the horrible urge to pound my fists, stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs. Yea...a real "terrible twos" type temper tantrum. And I don't even know why!
So, in order to avoid such a ridiculous display, I think I am going to snuggle down in my rocking chair and try some relaxation techniques. Hopefully some deep breathing and visualization can pull me out of this funk.
Hmmmmmm. I just looked out the window and the skies have darkened and deep thunder is rumbling through our neighborhood. It matches my mood exactly. But maybe it is a partial explanation? I know my pain level increases as the barometric pressure changes, maybe it can also impact my mood. I can only hope that the clean and refreshing post-rain atmosphere brightens my spirits! In the meantime it might be best if my Dear Hubby runs for the hills as this bear is far from a happy camper!
Ahh, there are days when I wonder if Hubby disappeared would I even miss him. Of course the answer is yes, but when my fibro acts up I just want him to stay away from me my mood is so bad.
ReplyDeleteHope tomorrow is a better day mood wise for you.
God bless.
Jackie -
ReplyDeleteI just KNEW you would understand. I am SO stiff tonight and my right hand is swollen so much I can't easily make a fist! Is it the weather, is it the fibro, or is it the decreased steroids? I will probably never know, not that it makes much of a difference, lol. I just feel SO bad when I find myself ready to strike out at Dear Hubby. He has been so good through all of my health issues, he certainly doesn't deserve me lashing out at him for no reason. Thankfully he is asleep in bed now and seems oblivious to my mood. Of course my tongue is a bit sore from biting it. I'm heading to bed in the guest room as tomorrow is a work day for him and he needs uninterrupted sleep. Thank you for all of your support. It helps. Take care and God Bless...
Hoping your inner skies have cleared and your sun is shining bright. Sometimes when those moods hit at the most unexpected times, it's as hard on us as those around us! That's when I want to find a sad book or watch a sad movie so I can cry with an excuse for doing so.....
ReplyDeleteThank you, Katie! I woke up to sunshine this morning...both inside and out! Whew...I'm glad the storm is over. Have a sunshiny day!
DeleteHang in there. Being ill like we are it is very easy to let our illness rule our lives. The good thing is that you can see that you have become grouchy and that you have put yourself in time out. I hope you are feeling better now!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shannon. Hurray...the sun was out the next morning and I am feeling MUCH better, both physically and mentally. It is hard to keep control of our lives, isn't it? But I refuse to "give in" and let the illness win!
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