I just came in from a quick trip to JoAnn's to pick up the batting that was on sale and a few other bargains I just couldn't resist. I had expected my shopping trip to be an enjoyable roam through JoAnn's in search of goodies...a relaxing stroll up and down the aisles formulating crafting and sewing ideas along the way.
Instead I spent a nerve wracking 20 minutes while a woman and her four little brats disturbed every patron inside the store. From the far end of the store I could hear the children whining and fighting. As I walked toward the checkout, the clamor grew. When I reached the end of the line I was positioned across the cutting table from the woman and her children. The ruckus was unbelievable. At one point the woman said (loudly so everyone could hear) that she was happy when she went into stores and saw other children misbehaving because then she knew it wasn't just her kids. Oh. My. God. I would have been MORTIFIED if my child had ever behaved like that...and I certainly would not have tried to rationalize it to everyone within earshot. Her children were, without exaggeration, the perfect poster children for birth control! Then as if to downplay their disruption she proceeded to ask her approximately 3-4 year old son (again in a volume for all to hear), "Did you poop?" "I smell something." "Did you fart?"
Good God, get me out of this madhouse! The cashier told me that the woman and her children had been in the store for over an hour! I can't imagine how they did their jobs with the cacophony of screams overpowering every thought.
Maybe I am really showing my age, but my son would NEVER have behaved like that. He was taught from a young age that good behavior is rewarded, bad behavior is punished, and mom MEANS what she says! At age 16 my son would sit in restaurants marveling at the poor behavior of the nearby children and has stated more than once that we should "pity the children and smack the parents". I told him I was glad to hear that because if he EVER raises a brat HE will have to answer to ME! There is no way I would EVER subject others to my child misbehaving. When he was young, if J misbehaved I left wherever we were immediately...a store, a restaurant, even CHURCH. Now our church has a "crying room" so that the rest of the congregation is not disturbed. WHAT? Now the church is making excuses for poor parenting? If, as an infant, J started to cry...I took him out to the car, calmed him down with feeding or changing...and returned once he would no longer disrupt the rest of the congregation. Lots of parents did exactly the same thing. They respected their fellow congregants and removed themselves and their children when necessary. The child learned at an early age that misbehaving in church was NOT going to get them out of going. Today the parents don't have to deal with their misbehaving child, or
crying infant, they can remain oblivious to their responsibility inside the "crying room". Pathetic.
When my son got older, consequences were followed through. Once when we were in Friendly's he was misbehaving. I warned him that if the misbehaving continued he would not get his kid's meal dessert. He was NOT disturbing others, but was simply not doing as he was told. After the meal, the waiter brought over his "clown sundae" and placed it in front of him...at which point I picked him up and out of the booth, walked to the cash register, paid and left. He SAW in very clear illustration that Mom means what she says and there are consequences to misbehaving. He didn't get the sundae on the table (neither did I for that matter), but it was more important that he learn from the experience. And he did. Once when my parents took him to Chuckie Cheese's he refused to listen. My mom took him by the hand and walked him out of the restaurant...his purchased tokens unused. He never misbehaved for my parents again.
Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not a perfect parent and J had his "terribles" at three instead of two...but I TRIED hard to teach him right from wrong, respect for others and for situations. That was MY JOB...and NOT PART TIME, BUT FULL TIME! Sometimes I felt like I was breaking a wild horse, but repetition and follow-through is the same no matter for horses or for children. I can remember spending three whole nights lying on the hallway floor outside of his bedroom, picking him up every time he climbed out of bed and opened his bedroom door, and placing him (silently) back into his bed. I would no sooner get back down onto the ground in the hallway, head on my pillow, than he would open the door and step out into the hallway again. By the fourth night I could barely speak coherently...but his door stayed shut and I awoke the next morning to realize I had slept all night through on the hallway floor blocking his door, while he had slept the night through in his bed. The contest was over and I had won.
It worries me when I see the lack of self control and discipline being instilled in this younger generation. No wonder there is such a sense of entitlement amongst many of the teens and youngsters today...they have gotten whatever they wanted from the time they were young simply by misbehaving. Unfortunately misbehaving now is becoming more and more harmful to their fellow citizens and instead of a toddler throwing a tantrum to get what he wants, we now have young adults pulling triggers. And I'm sorry, I didn't feel one iota of pity for that mother in the store today. Instead I felt outrage that she brought into this world 4 human beings whom she has no intention of parenting...and we are all expected to silently suffer the consequences.
Maybe it's time I moved to an isolated location where I don't have to interact with parents who just don't give a damn about how their lack of effort is impacting our future generations. I think my son is right...it's time we pity the children and punish the parents...
But, so you don't think I am blind to the good parents of this world....I want to offer my sincerest thanks to all of you wonderful parents out there who have put the raising of your children before your own wants and needs...knowing that parenting your little people is the most important job you will ever have. I wish you patience, a will just a smidge stronger than your child's, and the glorious moment in the future when your child thanks you for being such a wonderful parent. That is when you know you have truly succeeded and your job is truly done.
How I loved reading this. I too cannot stand interacting with out of control children. Mine aren't saints. But they did learn how to behave at an early age. And even my oldest who is a special needs child who has been my 24 hour a day project. Knows to behave in public and what is expected and what isn't tolerated. I have left many places if he got loud are cried. I refused to let my children ruin others outings with noise, or whining or arguing. It's a pity so many parents today have no clue how to parent effectively and stop haveing brats. I have always received compliments on my children's behavior. My daughter often
ReplyDeletehas told me over the years about children that are brats and act very immature for thief years. Everyone always thought my daughter was so much older because she knew how to behave and how to talk with people and introduce herself at a very early age... It's called effective parenting..something that is definitely becoming a lost art.
Ah, a kindred spirit! No child is an angel, and they sure aren't born knowing what is and isn't expected of them. It is OUR job as parents to teach them right from wrong. And no, they aren't going to "get it" the first time you reprimand them. It takes consistency and WORK on the part of parents to drum that concept into their little heads (figuratively, lol). My son is now 25 years old and is AMAZED at the lack of consideration and work ethics of the younger generation he has supervised on the job. He is amazed that the younger generation doesn't begin to think how their actions can impact others. Apparently not showing up for work and not even calling is thought to be accepted behavior. They weren't TAUGHT how to consider ANY ramifications to their actions, not for themselves or for others. You are a good mom and should be proud of the wonderful children you have raised!
DeleteHow sad no one in the store offered to assist the woman with her children or engage her in conversation getting to know her and her life's situation.
ReplyDeleteFrom her own admission her children's behavior is bad more often than just in that one instance. It was obviously not a one time occasion where the children were tired, cranky, worn out and would have responded to the distraction of another customer. And the woman did not appear to be overwhelmed. In fact she was talking about taking the children directly to the store to do grocery shopping. Had my child been unusually out of sorts I would have postponed any further shopping until they had been calmed down. Obviously neither she nor they needed a break. This type of behavior seemed nothing out of the ordinary and other than a verbal reprimand, which was promptly ignored, she seemed oblivious to discipline.
DeleteI was a retail manager for 23 years, I did not have a problem with telling a child directly that they needed to behave. That usually surprised the child and the parent didn't waste much time leaving. I do believe that if I was to come across a situation similar to yours, I would ask for a manager and ask them to hold my purchases until I could pleasantly come back to the store.... I've asked a restaurant manager to move me to another table because of ill mannered children. And I agree, not the child's fault - the parents are the idiots!
ReplyDeleteI think your solution is a good one. Unfortunately, because of health issues I don't have too many good days when I could have driven over to the store myself, so asking a manager to hold it until I come back wouldn't necessarily work. But, if I was someone who could go to another store in the area and come back, your solution would be perfect. I, too, have asked to be moved to another table in a restaurant when children nearby were misbehaving. In our area there has been a rise in "adult only" dining during certain hours. Isn't it a shame that restaurants have to make such accommodations, and it is a real shame for the families who want to eat out and must go elsewhere because their well-behaved children will not be admitted. We all lose as a result of parents who don't teach their children manners!
DeleteRant all you want because it's true. Helicopter parents and parents who just let everything go are creating a multiple of little monsters who will not be productive adults one day.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand how these parents can bring the children into the world and then refuse to mold them into proper adults. I'm sure many of these parents were "parented" by their mom and dad...so why the breakdown?
DeleteI applaud your rant and agree 100%. The other situation that makes me wince is the parent who swears like a sailor at a child who is innocently interested in what's going on. I can see the day when the child talks back in the same language, and the parent wonders where they ever learned that! I observe many families in church, and I know which ones I will babysit and which I won't, which are welcome in my home, and which aren't. It is good to see that some parents *are* parenting, but the huge number who give "things" instead of time and effort, is frightening.
ReplyDeleteAmen!
ReplyDelete