I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past several days...some good, some bad...but all, for me, life-changing. Turning 56 this week was a startling wake-up call. It suddenly dawned on me that I am closer to death than I am to birth...at least statistically. However, in spite of my age...or maybe partially because of it...I've never, EVER, been closer to LIFE. Counting the years left in my "average life span", I realized I no longer have the luxury of postponing the life I want for lack of time, money, dedication or stamina. Even if my age was of no consequence, the reality is that no one knows how much "time" he or she has left to do the really important things and BE the person they truly are deep inside. We all waste SO. MUCH. TIME.
I have not been doing as well physically since the middle of June. I awoke in the wee hours, knowing immediately that something was very wrong. I called for an ambulance while my dear, sweet, wonderful Hubby hobbled downstairs to open the front door. In his panic he had forgotten to grab his cane, but the look of fear on his face told me it was of little importance. In his heart and in his mind I have always come first...even when I have failed to notice. I do not know what happened to me, nor do any of the doctors I have seen thus far. I see my neurologist next week, and if she is clueless...then there IS no answer to be found at this time. Maybe no answer means no improvement. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe this is my new normal but, amazingly, that's okay too. After two months it is high time for me to get back to life. Denying that my condition is worse, stomping my feet, ranting and raving, “vegging” while waiting for an improvement, or “negotiating” with God isn’t helping me. Swimming up stream is only good for salmon! It is time to accept and move on.
Most importantly, it is time to truly LIVE. It's time to tell the love of my life ALL of the wonderful things he means to me. The things I longed to say to him on that early morning in June when I thought our time together was over. It is time to tell him that I am better for sharing my life with him and that my love is eternal. It is time to tell my sweet boy how much love, laughter and hope he has brought into this world...for us, his parents, and for those he touches every day. It's time to tell the wonderful woman he loves how she and her child have brought laughter, love and peace into our hearts and our home. It's time to tell my parents how much I appreciate the love and sacrifices they have made for me. For it is they who taught me of love and commitment and gave me the courage to bring a tiny life into this world. It is time to tell my Dear Aunt that she will always be my best friend and confidant...the sister I never had. It's time to tell my dear brother in law and sister in law how much I cherish them in my life. My friends, both old and new, near and far need to know that my life is much richer because of their love and support. It's time to tell them all...NOW.
My recent health scare and birthday have brought into focus that which I wish I had seen sooner...we ALL need to be closer to LIFE. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Maybe I will live to be 132! Maybe not. But I DO know that I will try my damnedest to live every second of every minute. People are all that matter. People, love, laughter and light are what life is all about. It's time to really live.
As many of us have learned over our lifetimes we only have today, tomorrow is not guaranteed so we all better make the most of our time.
ReplyDeleteI think that is why we are helping the boys out more, traveling and just plain enjoying each day as it comes, whether we are in tip top health or just managing the aches and pains.
God bless.
I agree completely. All I want to do these days is spend time with my family, creating a home that J, G and their children will remember fondly some day. Just wish I had wised up sooner.
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